I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
