I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
