Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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