Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
