nut hugger
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
