he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
