I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i out mim tonsoeep
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