they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
