SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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