So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
