I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
