ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
