the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
