I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
