just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So many bounce houses so little time
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
