I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
