i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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