Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
