??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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