I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
