i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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