Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
