we have pet lesbian snakes
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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