Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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