my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my being single is dangerous.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
