We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
