She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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