And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
