dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
