My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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