Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
