I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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