I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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