sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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