Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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