david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize