If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
