News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
