one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
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1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
