He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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