I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
