So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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