A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
