your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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