I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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