After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
