my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
