Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
