There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
