I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She announced her abortion via fbk
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
