Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
