He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pants are for mortals
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
