I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
