It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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