So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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