Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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