I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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