my phone needs a breathalizer
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
