Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize