Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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