Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
