Your dad touched me again.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
