You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
