well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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