At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
