I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
