Define "chronic" masturbator.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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