tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
