Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
