So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am available for nakedness
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
