dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
